7th Meeting - Thai Kitchen in a subdued manner

Regardless of the most recent FTC meeting, there is absolutely no evidence that Hell has frozen over. Sure, the sass was left at the office and the members of the FTC were able to venture out in public with two guests into public without so much as one scene of indecent display. The FTC was also able to finish their meal without an uproar of profanity and crude jokes. There was also pleasant discussion of upcoming nuptials (Mary). And KP, despite her unwillingness to try new and delicious food and also her abhorrence for anything semi-nutritious, enjoyed the delicious food that came from the Thai Kitchen. All of these things may have happened, but we do not believe they are sufficient evidence for the Apocalypse. Not yet anyway.

The FTC decided to go against tradition and regulation and offer an invitation to a select few of the entire MarCom team. All manners of excuses were given in order to get out of said FTC meeting, and the club thought they would once again embark on their own. However, Mary and Julie could not come up with sufficient excuses, and were thus made to pack themselves in the back of Pepper’s car like sardines.

The FTC entered the Thai Kitchen with high expectations, and was happily satisfied. Even if the water glasses were not kept sufficiently full, and were completely drained of ice after the first 10 minutes of sitting. Fate was on the side of the FTC and S was ecstatic to learn that her favorite dish just also happened to be the daily special. KP was overwhelmed with the new flavors and delicious noodles and vegetables that were offered. Her pansy taste buds did not allow her to fully enjoy the deliciousness that was the Yellow Curry. All were pleased with the thought that if freerice.com offers sticky rice to the starving people of the world, then they are finally being well fed.

Of course, the perfect nicety that was our 7^th meeting could not last for long. As soon as Mary and Julie returned to their assigned offices, things turned back to normal FTC fashion. And that is exactly what we did: broke out the Novell fashion, in the form of GIANT-sized t-shirts that are a weird tan-green-puce color. Said shirts had been modeled by Wein the day before, in order to earn a diet coke and a 12-pack of diet coke (although KP’s rules explicitly stated that said 12-pack must be on sale. Said 12-pack is forthcoming—KP is generous and feels more people should take her up on her offers and bets). Once the shirts had been broken out once more, the camera had to be involved and several precious moments were spent modeling the foul-smelling garments.

After which the FTC returned dutifully to work.

The FTC now awaits the arrival of a recently groomed canine with great anticipation. Photos will document the experience, I am sure.

6th Meeting — Chili's: You are just jealous because that's never happened to the likes of you

Today's blog will feature the most photo-producing FTC meeting yet recorded. After much hemming and hawing and general wishy-washiness, the girls decided on Chili's. Their plan was almost thwarted when Kati and Weiner decided to check out the nutritional information for their favorite meals and decided it would take about 673 minutes on the treadmill to burn half an order of chicken crispers; however, Chili's won out in the end. Kati was magnanimous enough to drive today, even when gas prices are higher than ever. Just more proof of her general angelic nature.

Anyway, the girls experienced no shenanigans or drooling teenage males on the way over, and were seated in the section of a very slow and pathetic waiter. Also nearby: a girl with fake pink and blonde curly hair who kept shooting crusties over her shoulder at the dazzling members of FTC. As the meal progressed, Weiner ended up with food in her lap AND on her neck. No one knows exactly what happened; we all just chalk it up to more evidence of Weiner's shoat-like qualities.

At one point, Weiner started laying out the sass to poor, unsuspecting Kati, saying, “I touched every single one of your nachos with my finger.” However, the confused Kati (her defense is that the restaurant was very loud) thought she heard Weiner say, “I touched every single one of your nachos with my wanker.” Needless to say, Kati was horrified, and tears of cackling laughter ensued.

Following this episode, Kati dared Weiner to eat a pile of jalapeños. Even though Kati offered a whopping $1.83, and S volunteered to match it, Weiner refused; this stubbornness is customary of her species. Finally S and Kati coerced the pansy-ish Weiner into eating just three jalapeños. Even with this drastic reduction, Weiner still couldn't hack it, and she ended up spewing chewed jalapeños shortly thereafter. Desperate to drub Weiner at something, Kati suggested a drinking contest. S documented the event, and Weiner succeeded in drinking Kati under the table. (Side note: Kati also offered to buy Wein any alcoholic beverages her heart desired, just to gain pure entertainment from the ensuing results.)

Finally, as Kati had been trying to hook S up with males all day, she suggested that S ask a lone diner for his digits. Six dollars were offered, and Wein offered to match that sum. S took several long looks, and, apparently deciding the specimen did not have “syrupy dripping eyes” that would cover her in molasses and melt her heart, S declined. Kati and Wein think S made a big mistake, but alas, if she has her heart set on MF, there is nothing some people can do about it.

With that, the girls were back to the office where Kati had to make a mad, hunched dash to the first floor pot to avoid being clocked in the bladder by the blackguard, Wein. The operation was a success, and sadly the girls are back to work.

The Story of a Giant Pen

Dear Blog,

On Wednesday, I took my sister to Trafalga for her birthday. I won so many tickets playing virtual jump rope that I was able to buy a giant pen. And while Wednesday went by in a flash, yesterday was a slow day. I could tell because Kimpossible was picking her nose and S was drooling on her desk. I, on the other hand, spent my time much more productively.

While Kimpossible was off on a bathroom break, I stole the pen off her desk. After looking about suspiciously, she pulled out another and went back to work. Later in the morning, during another bathroom break, I stole the replacement. And when Kimpossible confronted me about stealing her pens, I denied it. My master plan seemed to have reached a snag—Kimpossible seemed to have not only an overactive bladder, but also a boundless supply of writing utensils. I decided I needed help.

On the pretense of a work project, I walked down to S's office and enlisted her help. A few minutes later, S came to our cubicle and said that she needed to go to the shipping office. I replied that I couldn't go because I had to finish my work, but I innocently suggested that Kimpossible should accompany her. Which she did. While they were gone, I took every pen in the cubicle (and, admittedly, all the ones from Kimpossible's purse as well) and hid them behind my antibacterial wipes. I knew Kimpossible would never look there because she's notoriously unsanitary.

Then, I sat back and waited. It actually took a relatively long time. (Kimpossible, on top of sloth, bad excuses and dirtiness, is also extremely unobservant.) Again, I decided I need to give her a push, so I returned to S, my partner in crime. S rose to the occasion magnificently. She brought Kimpossible a “project” that really needed editing. The only drawback was that S “only had a hard copy,” so it would have to be edited by hand. But when Kimpossible looked around for a pen, there were none to be found.

And I, being the generous person that I am, handed her ... my giant pen.

Top 10 Reasons to Love Idaho

Recently, some people have been quoted saying that there is nothing good about Idaho and that nothing good has ever come from Idaho. I am here to prove them wrong. Without further ado, the Top 10 Reasons to Love Idaho:

10

Fact: Idaho produces 1/3 of the potatoes grown in the US, including those used for french fries in fast-food restaurants around the world. No need to mention french fries are one of the main causes of obesity in US children.
Conclusion: Idaho is a culinary hotbed.

9

Fact: Lewis, Clark and Sacagawea explored extensively in Idaho. Without Idaho, and Lewis and Clark's expedition, there would be no Sacagawea dollar.
Conclusion: Idaho is wealthy.

8

Fact: Chief Joseph, of the Nez Perce Indians, lived and uttered his famous "I will fight no more, forever" quote in Idaho. Well, he lived in Idaho until his tribe was driven out of the United States to live in exile in Canada.
Conclusion: Idaho is peaceful.

7

Fact: Idaho is the sixth-fastest growing state in the nation and has grown 38% since 1990, bringing the population of the state to well over one million. (1,429,096)
Conclusion: Idaho is economically sound.

6

Fact: Idaho is home of the Idaho Stampede and has put the NBA D-league on the map. (Incidentally, the Stampede beat the Fort Wayne Mad Antz on their way to the NBA D-league championship.)
Conclusion: Idaho is athletic.

5

Fact: Part of Yellowstone National Park is in Idaho. In fact, the Idaho area of the park is a popular visitor attraction for foreigners who come to get run over by bison.
Conclusion: Idaho is natural.

4

Fact: The poet Ezra Pound was born in Idaho. Without him, we would not have The Cantos and its fascinating observations on Mussolini, Facism and anti-Semitism.
Conclusion: Idaho is cultured.

3

Fact: The University of Idaho is consistently ranked in the bottom five in Division I NCAA football, which means it is constantly letting other states win ... a lot.
Conclusion: Idaho is unselfish.

2

Fact: Philo T. Farnsworth, inventor of the TV, was born and raised in Rigby, Idaho. Without the television, the US would be missing an entire generation of couch potatoes.
Conclusion: Idaho is entertaining.

1

Fact: Senator Larry Craig, recently accused of lewd conduct toward an under-cover cop in a restroom, is from Idaho. In Idaho, US Senators think that gay is ok.
Conclusion: Idaho is tolerant.

National Doughnut Day 2008

National Doughnut Day is a time for deep reflection and profound soul searching. That is why today, Kati, Meghan and S broke away from the tyranny of work and the oppression of the time clock to enjoy the finer things in life: namely, free doughnuts. To give her credit for her only good idea—ever—Kati suggested that the FTC rendezvous at the local Krispy Kreme Doughnut store to take advantage of free blueberry cake, glazed and cinnamon roll doughnuts.

So they did. After a fatiguing journey to the Hard Disc, where they discovered only disappointment, they embarked on their perilous quest. (Only made perilous by the driving of one who will remain nameless **coughScough**) At any rate, after parking far too close to adjacent cars, the three wayward travelers entered the air conditioned and sugar-perfumed innards of Krispy Kreme. There, unsure how to proceed, they chose their sugary delights and went to the counter to pay for them. Alas! No friendly face awaited them. The cash register remained cold and closed. Summoning courage from the depths of her gigantor arse, Kati bravely approached the counter and asked this scintillatingly original question:

“Are you giving out free donuts today?”

The young man, clearly smitten by the beauty of her cohorts, seemed stunned and mumbled, “Yes. You just have to ask for it.” Kati, despite her intelligence and courage from earlier in the day, now appeared flummoxed.

“So we can have a free doughnut for coming in and getting a free doughnut?” she asked hesitatingly.

“Uh ... yeah. Sure.” The confused lad behind the counter replied.

“SWEET!” the three doughnut-nappers yelled in unison, and they scampered nimbly out of the shop.

However, this was not the end of their adventure. While waiting for a stoplight to change, Meghan, observant as always, noticed three young men in the next car eying her and her compatriots suggestively. (Well, they were eying S and Meghan suggestively. They were staring in horror at Kati, who was busily shoving her doughnuts in her mouth at a rate that would shame the speed of light.) The light changed. S, forgetting that she was driving a four-cylinder, 1997 Plymouth Breeze, tried to beat them off the line. She could not. They drove away smirking. But all was not lost. S, being the ... audacious driver she is, incautiously, and recklessly unaware of her frightened passengers' butt cheeks, wove and swerved through traffic, finally passing them in the far left lane. As she brazenly waved to the vanquished, and relatively unattractive juveniles, the girls reached their exit and returned to work—basking in the glory of their free doughnuts and their subjugated foes.

Too late Kati remembered her prodigious mooning skills. But that is a story for another day of the ... FINER THINGS CLUB!

5th meeting - China Garden and the discovery of hats!

It has been a typical day at the office: Meghan was in charge. Kati was her rather unfaithful, not very trustworthy and relatively lazy sidekick. S was down the hall talking to her plants. But something was about to happen to make this day memorable … a trip to the Chinese Garden, where the girls could partake of the ghetto, yet plentiful, repast, while deciding their future plans based on the insightful, if not completely grammatically correct, sayings found in free fortune cookies. For example, while “A good man will always.” leaves plenty of room for improvisation and provides much-needed direction, it also neglects necessary punctuation.

NOVELL
HATS








Prior to leaving for the Chinese Ghetto Garden, Kati and Weiner decided to do some snooping. On a previous day trip, the three girls had noticed a fine gent on a moped with a bright and beautiful Novell logo emblazoned on his coat. Having noticed that there was a Novell coat left unattended in the unoccupied cubicle next to them, Kati and Weiner decided to try it on, and possibly steal it. What they found instead was even more breathtaking: three different Novell baseball caps of all colors and designs. Knowing that they were destined to be models (rather, Kati was, and Weiner and S were destined to be her minions and slaves), Kati and Weiner strutted down the hall to share their wares with S. All three enjoyed a good laugh, as they determined that the caps made them look like thugs, skanks, drug dealers, or all three. As requested by S, the President of FTC, pictures were taken to document this fine event. With that, the girls were off to the ghetto.

Because Meghan smoked Kati in the race to the elevator and out the revolving doors, she had the great honor of driving. This was a good omen for the day because everyone knows that S and Kati are notoriously bad drivers. However, they reached their destination in safety, ordered their food and proceeded to feast on their appetizer of egg drop soup; a concoction that more closely resembled vomit after consuming a combination of yellow Kool-Aid and flatworms.

And while Meghan and S were adventurous and sampled extensively, Kati was not to be enticed to try anything out of the ordinary—some people hope she starves. However, she did attempt to bully Meghan into eating a very hot and loathsome pepper for only two dollars. (Sometimes Kati seems to have slightly homicidal tendencies, but, out of the goodness of their hearts, Meghan and S put up with her.) In addition, to create an even remotely tempting offer, Kati would have had to include lifelong subservience and obeisance to Meghan, which she did not do.

At any rate, the meal was a great success. All three girls were satiated and enjoyed their experience immensely. They enjoyed it even though the restaurant’s hostess did seem a bit out of sorts when it came to the bill and improvised on the prices of said meal. And they enjoyed it even though Kati thought that $5.55 added to $1.50 totals a mere six dollars.

The girls returned to work to continue to rest of the mundane day … and Meghan smoked Kati and S through the badging station on the way back in.

*written today by Pepper and KP.