6th Meeting — Chili's: You are just jealous because that's never happened to the likes of you

Today's blog will feature the most photo-producing FTC meeting yet recorded. After much hemming and hawing and general wishy-washiness, the girls decided on Chili's. Their plan was almost thwarted when Kati and Weiner decided to check out the nutritional information for their favorite meals and decided it would take about 673 minutes on the treadmill to burn half an order of chicken crispers; however, Chili's won out in the end. Kati was magnanimous enough to drive today, even when gas prices are higher than ever. Just more proof of her general angelic nature.

Anyway, the girls experienced no shenanigans or drooling teenage males on the way over, and were seated in the section of a very slow and pathetic waiter. Also nearby: a girl with fake pink and blonde curly hair who kept shooting crusties over her shoulder at the dazzling members of FTC. As the meal progressed, Weiner ended up with food in her lap AND on her neck. No one knows exactly what happened; we all just chalk it up to more evidence of Weiner's shoat-like qualities.

At one point, Weiner started laying out the sass to poor, unsuspecting Kati, saying, “I touched every single one of your nachos with my finger.” However, the confused Kati (her defense is that the restaurant was very loud) thought she heard Weiner say, “I touched every single one of your nachos with my wanker.” Needless to say, Kati was horrified, and tears of cackling laughter ensued.

Following this episode, Kati dared Weiner to eat a pile of jalapeños. Even though Kati offered a whopping $1.83, and S volunteered to match it, Weiner refused; this stubbornness is customary of her species. Finally S and Kati coerced the pansy-ish Weiner into eating just three jalapeños. Even with this drastic reduction, Weiner still couldn't hack it, and she ended up spewing chewed jalapeños shortly thereafter. Desperate to drub Weiner at something, Kati suggested a drinking contest. S documented the event, and Weiner succeeded in drinking Kati under the table. (Side note: Kati also offered to buy Wein any alcoholic beverages her heart desired, just to gain pure entertainment from the ensuing results.)

Finally, as Kati had been trying to hook S up with males all day, she suggested that S ask a lone diner for his digits. Six dollars were offered, and Wein offered to match that sum. S took several long looks, and, apparently deciding the specimen did not have “syrupy dripping eyes” that would cover her in molasses and melt her heart, S declined. Kati and Wein think S made a big mistake, but alas, if she has her heart set on MF, there is nothing some people can do about it.

With that, the girls were back to the office where Kati had to make a mad, hunched dash to the first floor pot to avoid being clocked in the bladder by the blackguard, Wein. The operation was a success, and sadly the girls are back to work.