The Story of a Giant Pen

Dear Blog,

On Wednesday, I took my sister to Trafalga for her birthday. I won so many tickets playing virtual jump rope that I was able to buy a giant pen. And while Wednesday went by in a flash, yesterday was a slow day. I could tell because Kimpossible was picking her nose and S was drooling on her desk. I, on the other hand, spent my time much more productively.

While Kimpossible was off on a bathroom break, I stole the pen off her desk. After looking about suspiciously, she pulled out another and went back to work. Later in the morning, during another bathroom break, I stole the replacement. And when Kimpossible confronted me about stealing her pens, I denied it. My master plan seemed to have reached a snag—Kimpossible seemed to have not only an overactive bladder, but also a boundless supply of writing utensils. I decided I needed help.

On the pretense of a work project, I walked down to S's office and enlisted her help. A few minutes later, S came to our cubicle and said that she needed to go to the shipping office. I replied that I couldn't go because I had to finish my work, but I innocently suggested that Kimpossible should accompany her. Which she did. While they were gone, I took every pen in the cubicle (and, admittedly, all the ones from Kimpossible's purse as well) and hid them behind my antibacterial wipes. I knew Kimpossible would never look there because she's notoriously unsanitary.

Then, I sat back and waited. It actually took a relatively long time. (Kimpossible, on top of sloth, bad excuses and dirtiness, is also extremely unobservant.) Again, I decided I need to give her a push, so I returned to S, my partner in crime. S rose to the occasion magnificently. She brought Kimpossible a “project” that really needed editing. The only drawback was that S “only had a hard copy,” so it would have to be edited by hand. But when Kimpossible looked around for a pen, there were none to be found.

And I, being the generous person that I am, handed her ... my giant pen.